The American Movie Review
The American
Director: Anton Corbijn
Writer: Rowan Joffé
Starring: George Clooney, Violante Placido, Thekla Reuten, Paolo Bonacelli, Irina Björklund
Studio: Focus Features
Release Date: September 1, 2010
The American is a taut thriller. Every actor delivers an authentic performance that makes their character feel real. Every shot in the film is gorgeous and feels like each frame could be a postcard. The American may just be the best film I cannot possibly recommend.
Clooney plays Jack, a gunsmith and hit man on the run from relentless Swede assassins. In most movies with this type of set-up we would see Jack investigate his attackers, eventually uncovering their boss in an action-filled climax, but The American provides a refreshing, seemingly more realistic take. Instead of going on the offensive, Jack goes into hiding in the Rome countryside, counting on his employer Pavel to keep him safe. More, this attack has frightened Jack, making him want out of his lethal lifestyle.
It’s a very low-key, suspenseful take on a story about hit-men, and that is The American’s greatest strength. Even when Jack’s serenity is interrupted by a Swede attack, the action scenes are bloody and short, the exact opposite of the glossy, adrenaline-filled fights in action films like The Bourne Identity. The scenes are not here to thrill, but to remind Jack, and the audience, that death surrounds him and his quiet respite could come to a bloody end at any moment. This is driven home to great effect.
Indeed, The American treats the Swedes as a subplot, with the main focus being Jack’s relationship with local prostitute Clara. What starts as a purely professional relationship ends in a true romance as Jack connects with Clara, despite not ever truly trusting her intentions. Clara could be a plant, and we’ve already seen Jack kill one girlfriend. As such, Jack and Clara’s scenes together are always bittersweet as the audience knows at any moment one of these lovers could kill the other.
But despite all that is done right, The American fails in many respects. Jack is a laconic cipher We have endless scenes with him drinking coffee, or expertly machining a rifle, but Cloony’s performance always leaves us disconnected from the assassin. Jack’s lies are told so often and so easily that we never know what to believe. We don’t trust Jack and Jack trusts no one, leaving the viewer with no character with whom they can relate. Do we want this agent of death to find love and salvation, or do we want the Swedes to deliver swift justice?
The film’s final fall is in its finale. As we are kept emotionally distant from our main character, his fate becomes ultimately unimportant. The suspense of the eventual double-cross reaches its climax, but in an unfulfilling, perfunctory way.
The American is like one of Jack’s guns–lovingly crafted, expertly made, but ultimately cold and mechanical. Not recommend
New Podcast: G.I. Joe: The Movie
Yo Joe! For almost 50 years G.I. Joe action figures have excited and enthralled children, but it was in the 1980s with the Star Wars inspired comic book, toy line, and cartoon that the G.I. Joe identity would be galvanized. A culturally diverse army of specialists, the G.I. Joes would battle endlessly to keep the evil forces of Cobra at bay. Their skirmishes would be told in a syndicated cartoon series that ran from 1985 to 1986, and as the show prepared for a fourth season Hasbro decided to take the Joes to the big screen with the animated G.I. Joe: The Movie! The failure of Transformers: The Movie would cause G.I. Joe: The Movie to have major plot changes, delays, and an eventual video release long after the series had ended. Was that fate deserved, or does G.I. Joe: The Movie succeed where the Transformer movie failed? Listen to find our review to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPGIJOE01.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
Movie Review: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
A mostly expected journey…
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| The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey | |
| Director: | Peter Jackson |
| Writer: | Fran Walsh, Philipa Boyens, Peter Jackson, Guillermo del Toro |
| Starring: | Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Andy Serkis |
| Studio: | New Line Cinema |
| Release Date: | December 14, 2012 |
Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey follows in the tradition of his Lord of the Rings trilogy. It is a delicious fantasy stuffed full of dwarves, wizards, trolls, goblins, and a gold-loving dragon. The CGI effectively gives life and scale to each unique race. As a prequel to LOTR, the script is bursting with backstory; showing evil slowly creeping towards Mordor for the eventual war for Middle Earth. The film is also gluttonous. Jackson gives every obscure character with a passing mention in the novel, like a brown wizard or shadowy necromancer, needlessly extended scenes in this near three-hour exercise in patience. The story is stretched thin to somehow turn this children’s book into a three-parter as a desperate Hollywood attempt to secure consistent ticket sales.
In short, audiences will feel the same about The Hobbit as they did with Jackson’s LOTR trilogy. It does nothing to address previous criticisms and gives more of what made LOTR a blockbuster franchise.
The plot sticks to that of the novel, though certain liberties are taken to conform to conventional Hollywood storytelling. Thirteen dwarves aim to take their city and gold back from the dragon Smaug. The wizard Gandalf (McKellen) recruits hobbit Bilbo (Freeman) to assist in the adventure. All the while, Bilbo must convince Thorin Oakenshield (Armitage), the dwarves’ leader, of his commitment to the journey.
Of course there isn’t a complete story provided as the plot has been split into three films. Smaug is hardly seen, much less defeated. Unexpectedly, the script does carry one of its many subplots to completion; providing a sense of closure for this first installment. Bilbo is homesick. He can return home at any point while the dwarves are outcasts and homeless. Thorin grows weary of Bilbo’s seemingly lack of loyalty. This subplot plays throughout the film until its resolution, providing purpose and heroic moments to a climax that would otherwise feel like just another battle.
The film is long but never feels unbearable. Action scenes take place at the appropriate moments to kick up the pace after scene of melodramatic debate. The battles never do capture the grandness and danger of what we’ve seen before. Even the return of Serkis’s Golem doesn’t demand the same awe. I must recognize this dismissive attitude exists because Jackson already has tackled larger foes and greater battles. However, during The Hobbit’s most exciting scenes, such as the dwarves slashing their way through the never-ending caverns of Goblin Town, the viewer is reminded how comfortable it is to spend a few hours of escape in this fantasy world.
I put off seeing the film originally once it was announced The Hobbit would be three films instead of two. I didn’t think I had the energy for anymore of J.R.R. Tolkien’s world after having read the books, watched the animated features, attended each LOTR installment on during their opening weekends, and then sitting through the extended cuts. I was wrong. For those fans sitting on the fence, like I was, you’ll find this RECOMMENDED film will enliven you with plenty of vigor for the journey.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is available on DVD, Blu-ray, and other formats March 19, 2013.
Would You Rather Movie Review
Would You Rather
Starring: Brittany Snow. Sasha Grey, Jeffrey Combs, John Heard
Directed by: David Guy Levy
Once you RSVP, it’s too late…
Would You Rather takes an innocent slumber party game and twists it, replacing kissing the school dweeb with self mutilation. Reminiscent of the Saw franchise, this is torture porn with reduced gore. The concept of this movie is grotesque but it’s a safer, gentler release with less in your face graphic violence, all while maintaining an interesting and unique story.
Iris is dead broke after the death of her parents and desperately needs money. She accepts a mysterious invitation to a dinner party that promises the chance to win enough money to solve her problems. The party is hosted by Shep Lambrick (Jeffrey Combs), with the promise of one attendee winning money via an contest. The game is revealed to be “Would You Rather”, the party game that forces you to choose between two choices. Instead of choosing to kiss the their friend Martha or their friend Bob, the guests are astounded to learn that their choices are self mutilation or mutilating someone else. As each round progresses with a new painful challenge, guests are eliminated either by fatal injury or killed during an escape attempt leaving Iris and one other as the finalists.
Refreshing a stale genre, Would You Rather presents a new twist that is both unique and original. The writers rely on implied gore to create the suspense.
The mutilating challenges all sound horrible and conjure graphic images but it’s a stark contrast to what is shown. Lucas’s challenge is to slice open his eye. We hear his resistance, see his panic at the thought but when he actually does it, it is so quick and shot at such an angle that there is no blood. Peter’s challenge is to blow up a firecracker in his hand. It sounds simple enough until it’s revealed to be a quarter stick of dynamite and that it is duct taped thoroughly to his hand. When it explodes, the carnage is poorly lit so it’s impact is minimal and the focus is on Peter having a heart attack. Anything imagined is much worse than what is shown causing a much more intense movie.
Combs is delightful in his role as philanthropist turned sadist Shep Lambrick. Known for his stoic portrayal of Dr. Herbert West in Reanimator, he is wonderfully chipper and animated in Would You Rather. His delight and mockery at the moral dilemmas facing his dinner guests is fun to watch. He munches on snacks while they decide who they are stabbing, shocking or whipping. Combs doesn’t portray Lambrick as a maniac, he’s mostly a madman but with social skills. Combs has such a delightful giggle when he is enjoying tormenting his guests. It’s nice to see him break out and have some fun, even if it is at the expense of others.
Would You Rather is a nice twist on the overdone torture porn genre. It had become graphic for graphic sake (Saw) by replacing shock with copious amounts of blood. By relying on good old suspense and implied violence, Would You Rather takes it to a new level and keeps the audience entertained all the way to the surprise ending.
New Podcast: Jonah Hex
When a terrorist plans to destroy Washington D.C. the only hope for the United States is a confederate soldier with a scar on his face and a chip on his shoulder–Jonah Hex. A strange steampunk western based on the DC Comics character, Jonah Hex failed to find an audience despite A-list stars Josh Brolin and John Malkovich. Is this possibly an overlooked gem, or could it really be as bad as world-of-mouth indicates? Listen to Now Playing and find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPDCHERO03.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
Movie Review: Oz the Great and Powerful
Oz the alright, but there are some things that are pretty great…
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| Oz the Great and Powerful | |
| Director: | Sam Raimi |
| Writer: | David Lindsay-Abaire, Mitchel Kapner |
| Starring: | James Franco, Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, Michelle Williams, Zach Braff |
| Studio: | Walt Disney Pictures |
| Release Date: | March 8, 2013 |
The 1939 classic The Wizard of Oz is a visual feast. The Technicolor landscape—rich with yellow bricks, blue flying monkeys, and red ruby slippers—fascinated me as a child. Oz the Great and Powerful takes the audience back to this fantasy of saturated color pallets and dreamlike characters. The film will mesmerize children and make the discerning adults wish they could see this film through those young ones’ eyes. Its vision is bold and courageous, while lacking some heart and brains.
James Franco is the small-time circus magician Oscar, better known as Oz. To avoid the consequences of his womanizing, he flees in a hot air balloon. A tornado takes hold of the balloon and Oz awakes in a magical land. He is believed to be the prophesized wizard that will unite the Emerald City, which is under the control of three feuding witch sisters. Oz must decide if he will continue as a sham trickster or take up the mantle of the wizard to bring peace.
If Dorothy’s adventure was a journey of discovery, Oz’s is one of redemption. However, Oz never fully changes, but merely finds a way to better exploit his cons. Franco is able to convince the audience of Oz as a grifter. The role doesn’t fall far from the actor’s laid back reputation. Glinda the Good Witch (Williams) will eventually declare Oz to be a good man, but that remains in question. If her sisters, Theodora (Kunis) and Evanora (Weisz), had stayed attractive instead of turning hideously ugly, would Oz be so steadfastly in love with just Glinda? Franco’s constant smirk always gives suspicion to his intents, even at the end when he should be trustworthy.
Part of the problem is in the nature of a prequel. We know Oz is still a bumbling conman when Dorothy eventually arrives. True character development is hindered by needing to sync up with the original. This is a barrier for those in the know to truly invest themselves in the title character. However, there are plenty of set-ups to satisfy long time fans of Oz, though not everything is revealed. Despite not caring much for the future wizard, I did find myself caught up in the film’s backdrop and wondering how certain things will play out to bridge this story to Dorothy’s adventure.
Thankfully, the film finds reasons to focus on non-established characters. There is a town made of china smashed to bits by flying baboons. Here is where the most entertaining character is introduced, a living china doll. She brings sadness, spunk, and laughs. While cute, there is also a creepiness to her fractured skin and stiff movements.
The feuding witches are given a new dimension by fleshing out Evanora, who Dorothy will eventually land a house on. The most interesting of the three sisters, her story carries a tragedy similar to Victor Frankenstein. The audience is told she is wicked, but there is a sadness to her as she comes to terms with the monster she creates; making her a sympathetic villain.
I’m still not convinced there is anything great, powerful, or wonderful about this Oz character, but this land is worth revisiting for its other inhabitants and landscapes. This new vision is twisted like Alice’s Wonderland. The scenery continually spirals from sparkling flowers made of gems to rivers filled with translucent fairies bearing piranha-like jaws. The audience knows what levers are being pulled behind the green screen, but this mildly recommendable movie still manages to create some impressive illusions.
Movie Review: Red Dawn
What’s the capitalist term I’m trying to think of…lazy-faire?
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| Red Dawn | |
| Director: | Don Bradley |
| Writer: | Carl Ellsworth, Jeremy Passmore |
| Starring: | Chris Hemsworth, Josh Peck, Will Yun Lee |
| Studio: | Contrafilm |
| Release Date: | November 21, 2012 |
1984’s Red Dawn was an extreme right-wing fantasy. Set during the Cold War, teenagers flexed their Second Amendment rights and blasted away the commies invading the United States. However, this toothless remake begs for relevancy. It sat on the shelf for two years and finally found release during the 2012 election season; perhaps to capitalize on the polarizing politic discourse. However, it is unlikely anyone on either side of the political spectrum would give this new Red Dawn a favorable vote.
The plot is familiar. Communists, from North Korea this time, attack the United States. Brothers Jed (Hemsworth) and Matt (Peck) train a group of teens in the Spokane, Washington to fight back. Known as the Wolverines, the small militia plays a pivotal role in taking their country back.
Of course, the audience never is sure what the country is being taken back from. The villains are so generic, they were easily changed by CGI’ing over some flags and redubbing their native language. The commies were originally filmed as Chinese. The studio then changed them to North Korean in post production because it’s bad marketing to upset over a billion potential ticket buyers. At least the fear of grinding away in sweatshops while manufacturing cheap knick-knacks for Walmart would be a legitimate fear if China took over. Instead, the only reason given to be afraid of North Korea is because communism was scary thirty years ago.
The Russians are also involved with the occupation, just in case North Korea wasn’t frightening enough. If you’re too young to know the Russians were once the U.S.’s real life communist nemesis, there is a big neo-Soviet, easily identified by his blue hat, who stabs teenagers. There, now do you see how nasty that democratic nation secretly is?
As to why so many resources are used to invade a small northwestern town is never explained, which further complicates any attempt at understanding the invasion. A reeducation camp is built, just like in the original. However, it isn’t filled with the Wolverine’s fathers. Rather, the North Koreans take over an entire country to lock up its cheerleaders. Communism must be pretty awful if it jails the hot blondes.
The communists have one weakness though, besides not being able to kill a handful of teenage soldiers. The Wolverines can turn the war around by stealing a radio. To be fair, it’s a magic radio. It’s immune to the electronic magnetic pulse machine the North Koreans used to knock out the American’s power. Maybe the Wolverines would have done better stealing the device that could actually shut down the North Korea’s machinery, rather than the one used for listening to them. Presumably, the same number of explosions could have been produced in a plot that attempted to make more sense.
The writers may not understand how to construct decent plot or motivations, but they also manage to include unsatisfying character arcs too. Matt has a character flaw. He always puts himself before others. A Wolverine needlessly dies because Matt goes off mission to selfishly save his cheerleader girlfriend. Obviously, Matt will need to make a team decision requiring him to sacrifice his needs to show he’s learned there is no I in team. At least it should be obvious. However, the film can’t even adequately execute an elementary school level morality tale.
Red Dawn is an exploitation film that never exploits. It doesn’t play on the fears of even the most delusional paranoid shut in. There’s no need to rush out and arm yourself, this film is easy to resist.
Red Dawn is available on Blu-ray, DVD, and other formats beginning March 5, 2013.
TV REVIEW: HOUSE OF CARDS (Season One)
A pretty good first hand for an aspiring web series network
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| House of Cards |
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| Directors: | David Fincher, Joel Schumacher, etc. |
| Writers: | Beau Willimon, Andrew Davies, etc. |
| Starring | Kevin Spacey, Robin Wright, Kate Mara, Corey Stohl |
| Network: | Netflix |
| Release Date | February 1, 2013 |
Netflix, having successfully slain the video store with their revolutionary DVD-by-mail business model, plans to challenge cable television by offering subscribers an exclusive line-up of streamed programming. The first original show out of the gate is House of Cards – a sophisticated one-hour drama about Washington political corruption that re-teams Oscar winner Kevin Spacey with his Seven director David Fincher. The $100 million price tag and A-list Hollywood talent lets the world know that HBO and Showtime are no longer the only destinations for premium serialized entertainment, but is House of Cards good enough to re-position Netflix as the TV network of the future? Maybe. Season One wobbles under the weight of its many ambitions, but stands on a solid foundation of satire and delicious Machiavellian power plays.
Francis Underwood, Spacey’s silver-tongued Congressman, is our tour guide through the dimly lit halls and shadowy chambers of a White House besieged by distrust and petty grievances. Frank’s got an axe to grind too. The newly re-elected President passed him over for Secretary of State, so now he’s going to mobilize a cabal of conspirators to win himself an even bigger seat in the administration. Despite frequent asides to the camera, stoic Spacey keeps his cards close to the vest. We always know what the scheming politician thinks, but rarely understand what he’s doing behind the scenes. It’s the kind of calculating antihero role the actor has always excelled at playing – a cross between tragic Shakespearean tyrant and his genteel murderer from Midnight In The Garden of Good And Evil.
All we know for certain about Frank’s plot is that it hinges on turning Peter Russo (Corey Stohl, Midnight In Paris) into governor of Pennsylvania, despite the Representative’s well-documented problem with drugs and alcohol (or is that part of the plan?). The one character on this cynical show truly deserving empathy, Russo struggles to clean up his act and become the transformational figure his blue collar constituency needs to survive a downturn economy. Hope is a rare commodity on House of Cards, but Stohl’s raw and human performance inspires it all the same.
Frank’s other key player in the game is blogger-journalist Zoe Barnes (Kate Mara, sister of Dragon Tattoo star Rooney). The Congressman feeds the cub reporter Beltway secrets, which she turns into headlines that keep Frank influential on public opinion. Another series might be tempted to sensationalize the sexual affair that springs from their mutually beneficial partnership, but House of Cards largely avoids arousing libidos. Zoe and Frank’s bedroom scenes contain no more heat than the numerous policy briefings and education bill debates that fill the man’s day planner.
I wish the other characters were more organically integrated into Frank’s schemes. Large chunks of time are devoted to trophy wife Claire (Robin Wright) making difficult choices about her overextended humanitarian organization, and flirting with having an affair of her own. I appreciate the irony of a professional do-gooder turning out to be such a callous person, but it’s a Hillary Clinton spoof that ultimately has little impact on Frank’s rise to power. There’s also a disgruntled natural gas lobbyist, a contracted call girl, a terminally ill bodyguard, and even a barbeque restauranteur. They offer great local color, but drop out of the main story too frequently to truly endear themselves.
On one hand, it’s admirable that Fincher has translated the brooding, monochromatic aesthetic of Social Network and Zodiac into a sprawling D.C. tapestry. He’s never worked with a canvas so large, and I love that he’s able to hold up a mirror to today’s obnoxious political theater and find a marathon of authentic, intimate moments that other media misses. Yet I’ve always felt that television needs to be compulsively watchable in order to sustain viewership. Cruelty can be a darkly satisfying spectacle within the confines of a two or three hour movie, but spend a full season in a reptile cage and all that cold-blooded behavior is bound to numb audience enthusiasm. The trouble is I never had a burning desire to know what happens next, particularly when outcomes rarely stray far from the most pessimistic possibilities.
Maybe it’s a good thing then that all 13 episodes of House of Card’s first season have been made available at the same time. Because every one of the show’s principals plays the long game, it takes several episodes for audiences to get hooked on their myopic power manipulations. Indeed, I wasn’t sold until Hour 6. Binge viewers can consume the low boil intrigue in a single day rather than risk losing interest in the weeks it’d take for the story to climax on broadcast TV.
Overall, this is an easy RECOMMEND for Fincher fans, political junkies, or anyone curious about where TV is heading. And it comes at a bargain when you consider Netflix’s monthly rate for unlimited streaming is comparable to the price of a matinee movie ticket. I don’t’ know if I need to chase after Spacey as he races towards the uncertain fortune of Season Two, but I’m anxious to check out the rest of Netflix’s 2013 line-up: Eli Roth’s April horror series Hemlock Grove, prison sitcom Orange Is The New Black, Ricky Gervais’ Derek, and the return of Arrested Development. It does indeed look like the revolution will not be televised, but streamed.
New Podcast: Constantine
From the pages of DC’s Hellblazer comics, John Constantine was a blonde, British occult detective with a smoking habit and a bad attitude. The comics had a cult following and in 2005 Warner Bros gave the anti-hero the big screen treatment. Moving the action from Liverpool to Los Angeles, the film starred Keanu Reeves as the Americanized occultist. Now, continuing their look at DC comics one-off films, Stuart, Arnie, and Jakob see if Constantine’s theatrical adaptation had spirit, or was dead on arrival.
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPDCHERO02.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
Movie Review: Apollo 18
In space nobody can find your footage.
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| Apollo 18 | |
| Director: | Gonzalo López-Gallego |
| Writer: | Brian Miller |
| Starring | Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen, Ryan Robbins |
| Studio: | Bazelevs |
| Release Date | September 2, 2011 |
For years, conspiracy theorists have long believed that NASA is up to no good. Between faked and secret missions to the moon, people have long suspected nefarious deeds in our space program. Enter Apollo 18, an alleged found footage movie that chronicles a previously unknown mission. Much like it’s genre predecessors, it’s supposed to fuel speculation but all it does is make the audience wish for a mission to end the movie.
Under the guise of secretly placing sensors to detect ICBMs from Russia, three astronauts are sent on an unpublicized trip to the moon. While on the moon, they encounter a Russian lunar unit with blood inside. Things start to fall apart when something is inside one of the astronaut’s suits. It ends up under his skin and when removed, it resembles one of the moon rocks. They then begin to theorize that their real mission is to place sensors to monitor these “rocks”.
If you are a fan of the genre or maybe a fan of some other popular movies, you may enjoy this movie. Almost every single plot device has been done previously and with a better result than in this movie. By borrowing from so many other movies, Apollo 18 can’t quite find it’s own footing. Too many scenes are reminiscent of other, better movies that it’s just not satisfying. The most glaring copy cat scene is when one of the astronauts uses a film camera to illuminate the crater where they find the cosmonaut. The use of the camera sounds, with the flash illuminating the crater’s horrifying sites is so similar to the opening of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre that I expected Leatherface to appear. The worst part of this analogous scene was that it didn’t accomplish anything. The images were so quick and poorly lit that it does not produce the any fear or expectations.
Aside from the lack of originality, the movie falls short on suspense. It’s not for lack of trying though. The filmmakers attempt to create confusion by showing rocks that move and hover. There’s also a mysteriously abandoned Russian ship where it appears there as a struggle. These scenes are so slowly paced that just can’t produce any tension. Because of this, the big reveal of the source of all of the issues – aliens falls flat. The bigger issue might be that the aliens are rocks instead of, you know, something scary. Granted, the rocks can float and they appear to turn into something with tentacles that resemble the facehugger from Alien, but the aliens are rocks about 99% of the time. There’s just nothing scary about a rock that floats. Not recommend.
New Podcast: Tank Girl
Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, those are the heroes DC Comics are known for. But there are others. As we build up to Man of Steel this summer, Now Playing hosts Stuart, Jakob, and Arnie are looking at some of these lesser known DC Heroes who fight bad guys and obscurity with equal fervor. For our first installment in this series, the hosts review Tank Girl, the 1995 film that pitted Lori Petty and a team of human/kangaroo hybrids against Malcolm McDowell. Does Tank Girl hit the mark, or is it a misfire? Listen to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPDCHERO01.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
Movie Review: Twilight – Breaking Dawn Part 2
Look but don’t sink your teeth into…
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| Twilight – Breaking Dawn Part 2 | |
| Director: | Bill Condon |
| Writer: | Melissa Rosenberg, Stephanie Meyer |
| Starring | Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner |
| Studio: | Temple Hill |
| Release Date | November 16, 2012 |
The first three Twilight films boiled with sexual desire that could never be quenched in a thinly veiled analogy for abstinence. Once the vows of marriage were made in the fourth entry, Breaking Dawn – Part 1, Bella entered a twisted fairy tale where the swan is reverted to an ugly duckling. She was heavily bruised through rough sex, literally feasted upon by unborn child and husband, and left for dead. The pent up sexual frustration continues to find violent outlets when she is resurrected for Breaking Dawn – Part 2. However, this final installment still maintains a prudeness that doesn’t allow for a satisfying climax; only giving a peek of enjoyable possibilities before quickly covering up.
Bella (Stewart) is now a vampire; having been saved by husband Edward’s (Pattinson) bite that granted her immortality after nearly dying while giving birth. The Volturi, a ruling class of vampires, believe the half-human, half-vampire newborn may threaten the stability between their kind and humans. Bella and Edward must create an alliance between vampires and werewolves if they want to protect the child from the diabolic plans of the Volturi.
The film lacks a sense of irony. I often found myself laughing at the film when I should have easily been laughing with it. For example, Bella must learn to act mortal again to keep her transformation secret. It’s humorous to watch her practice breathing and how to casually slouch because of Stewart’s reputation for being emotionless and stone faced. However, the humor seems unaware of Stewart’s perceived coldness and relies on the actress’s attempt at physical comedy rather than giving the audience a knowing wink. The entire Twilight Saga must receive some kind of erotic gratification from its broodiness if after five films it just can’t relax and have some fun.
The movie also doesn’t understand what makes for an exciting protagonist. Twilight’s vampires are more like superheroes than the classic Dracula. Each character has a unique power—elemental control, telepathy, electric bursts—to accompany the super strength and speed given to all the creatures of the shade (sunlight doesn’t harm them, only makes them sparkle). However, after waiting so long for Bella to become super, her empowerment is backhanded. She can only block other vampires’ more impressive talents. The result is a heroine, already scorned by feminists for being too passive, who mostly stands around projecting invisible forcefields instead of bloodying her fangs in the climactic battle versus the Volturi.
This battle becomes an orgasm of severed heads that somehow maintains a PG-13 rating. The story takes some risks by having major characters decapitated. While the action is merely adequate, there is a certain pleasure with its excess. Or at least there is until the script decides it isn’t that kind of movie. Even these most exciting moments are positioned as safe, unfulfilling fantasies.
There is little gratification to be had as the film frustratingly embodies the franchise’s abstinence subtext. The non-recommendable Breaking Dawn – Part 2 refuses to penetrate the deeper desires of those who committed to the saga.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 is available on DVD, Blu-ray, and other formats March 2, 2013.
Argo screw yourself Oscars! My Total B.S. Guide to Losing Your Office Betting Pool
Though the time has come to join the fray on handicapping this Sunday’s Academy Awards, it must be stated right off the bat that my Oscar losing streak is almost as long as Martin Scorsese’s. I haven’t won a single betting pool for this show since I first anted up my piggy bank with family during the 1991 telecast (when I was dead certain that Bugsy would beat Silence of the Lambs for Best Picture).
Some years my Oscar hopes were dashed by an unpredictable dark horse – Marissa Tomei’s surprise My Cousin Vinny win or Shakespeare in Love besting shoo-in Saving Private Ryan. For sweep years like Titanic, where every participant had the same picks, it all came down to the lucky guesser of an obscure category like Best Documentary Short. And then sometimes I just get an idea in my head about what I think Academy members respect and become blind to reason. Just ask Arnie… he made $100 off me after I foolishly gambled on Burt Reynolds’ Boogie Nights performance trouncing Robin Williams’ Oscar-baiting work in Good Will Hunting. (In my defense, the man was coming off Flubber!)
So don’t take anything you’re about to read as a proven formula for predicting winners. My method is to break each of the 24 major categories into three possible outcomes: Losers (no need for these folks to prepare a speech… it just ain’t happening this year), Outliers (unlikely dark horses that could sneak out a win), and The Real Race (those that have the best shot at the Gold Guy). I’m usually pretty good at this stuff. It’s when I have to narrow the field to one Winner that I choke. My tendency is to use my head and not my heart – I never think my personal favorites are going to be victorious. It’s the person who throws out cynical ideas about the Academy’s tastes, and banks on the undeniable appeal of some movie or performance that doesn’t have frontrunner status, who usually takes home the winnings.
Academy members’ tastes may be a bit stodgy – they tend to shun works that are too artsy, gutsy, or violent. And they hate giving Spielberg anything that isn’t connected to WWII. But that may all change this weekend. The history of the Oscars is not the history of the best films ever made, but it is a compelling Hollywood self-portrait that always has the potential to surprise and delight. And if Scorsese now has a statue, maybe this is the year where I turn my fortune around. Here’s hoping the 2013 Winners are….
Best Picture
Losers: Amour, Beasts of the Southern Wild & Django Unchained
Outliers: Life of Pi, Silver Linings Playbook & Zero Dark 30
The Real Race: Argo vs. Lincoln
The Winner: Argo is a crowd pleasing, multi-award winning celebration of Hollywood saving the Iranian hostages. How could Tinseltown resist?
Best Director:
Losers: Ben Zeitlin (Beasts Of The Southern Wild)
Outliers: David O Russell (Silver Linings Playbook) & Michael Haneke (Amour)
The Real Race: Steven Spielberg (Lincoln) vs Ang Lee (Life of Pi)
The Winner: Spielberg. But Ben Affleck would easily take any of these names if he were on the ballot
Best Actor:
Losers: Everyone else
The Winner: Daniel Day Lewis. This is the only race I’d bet $100 on.
Best Actress:
Losers: Naomi Watts (The Impossible) & the little girl with the unpronounceable name from Beasts of the Southern Wild
Outlier: Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty)
The Real Race: Jennifer Lawrence (Silver Linings Playbook) vs. Emmanuelle Riva (Amour)
The Winner: Lawrence had a big year with this and Hunger Games. Plus Silver Linings probably won’t win anything else.
Best Supporting Actor:
Losers: Philip Seymour Hoffman (The Master) & Alan Arkin (Argo)
Outlier: Christoph Waltz (Django)
The Real Race: Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln) vs. Robert DeNiro (Silver Linings Playbook)
The Winner: Jones stole scenes from Daniel Day Lewis.
Best Supporting Actress:
Losers: Amy Adams (The Master), Helen Hunt (The Sessions), & Jacki Weaver (Silver Linings Playbook)
The Real Race: Anne Hathaway vs. Sally Field
The Winner: Hathaway. Ask Jennifer Hudson if one big song can get you this statue. Plus Sally already has two of these.
Best Original Script:
Losers: Moonrise Kingdom & Flight
Outlier: Amour
The Real Race: Django Unchained vs. Zero Dark 30
The Winner: Zero Dark 30. As controversial as the torture was in this film, it pales next to Q’s irreverent slant on slavery.
Best Adapted Script:
Losers: Beasts of the Southern Wild
Outliers: Silver Linings Playbook & Life of Pi
The Real Race: Argo vs Lincoln
The Winner: Lincoln. Both movies fudged history to contrive drama… but Tony Kushner had the harder job because there were no firsthand accounts to model.
Best Editing:
Losers: Life of Pi & Silver Linings Playbook
Outlier: Lincoln
The Real Race: Argo vs Zero Dark 30
The Winner: Argo. The Best Picture winner typically takes this trophy.
Best Cinematography
Losers: Anna Karenina & Django Unchained
Outlier: Lincoln
The Real Race: Life of Pi vs. Skyfall
The Winner: Skyfall. Roger Deakins must win one year… and this may be his best looking film.
Best Production Design
Outlier: Hobbit
The Real Race: Anna Karenina vs. Lincoln vs. Les Miz vs. Life of Pi
The Winner: Lincoln. This category is really up for grabs, but I’ll go with the film with the most nominations.
Best Costumes
Losers: Snow White and the Huntsman & Mirror, Mirror
Outlier: Lincoln
The Real Race: Anna Karenina vs. Les Miz
The Winner: Les Miz. All I know is that Snow White will be going home empty handed.
Best Make-Up
Loser: Les Miz (I couldn’t stand looking at all those rotten teeth and wigs in close up!)
Outlier: Hitchcock
Winner: Hobbit
Best Visual Effects
Loser: Snow White And The Huntsman
Outlier: Prometheus
The Real Race: The Avengers vs. The Hobbit vs. Life of Pi
The Winner: Life of Pi. All deserve it, but Pi’s SFX were pivotal to the drama.
Best Sound Editing:
Outliers: Argo, Django Unchained, Life of Pi
The Real Race: Skyfall vs Zero Dark 30 (lot of noises in this one)
The Winner: Skyfall. I’m feeling like this will be 007’s year to get 004 Oscars.
Best Sound Mixing
Outliers: Argo, Life of Pi, Lincoln
The Real Race: Skyfall vs. Les Miz (they did the singing live on set)
The Winner: Skyfall. If it wins one sound award, it will win the other.
Best Score
Losers: Anna Karenina & Skyfall
Outlier: Argo
The Real Race: Lincoln vs Life of Pi
The Winner: Life of Pi. John Williams doesn’t have shelf space to display another Oscar.
Best Song
Loser: Chasing Ice
Outliers: Life of Pi & Ted (hey, Seth is hosting. He’d have an opportunity to stuff the ballot)
The Real Race: Skyfall vs. Les Miz
The Winner: Skyfall. Adele is nearly unstoppable.
Best Animated Feature
Loser: The Pirates!
Outliers: Frankenweinie & Para-Norman
The Real Race: Brave vs. Wreck-It Ralph
The Winner: Wreck-It Ralph. Didn’t see any of them. Pixar usually wins, but Ralph nabbed the Annie.
Best Animated Short
Loser: Fresh Guacamole
Outliers: Head over Heels & The Longest Daycare (could the Simpsons ever win an Oscar?)
The Real Race: Adam and Dog vs Paperman
The Winner: Paperman. It won the Annie
Best Live Action Short
Losers: Buzkashi Boys & Henry
Outlier: Asad
The Real Race: Curfew vs. Death of a Shadow
The Winner: Curfew. I’ll be honest… I Googled a bunch of other Oscar handicappers and this was consistently voted the best.
Best Foreign Language Film
Loser: A Royal Affair & War Witch
Outliers: Kon Tiki & No
The Winner: Amour. If it’s up for Best Picture, winning this category should be a ake walk.
Best Documentary Feature
Loser: 5 Broken Cameras
Outliers: How To Survive A Plague & Invisible War
The Real Race: The Gatekeepers vs Searching For Sugar Man
The Winner: Gatekeepers. Sugar Man is the sentimental favorite… but docs tend to win for subject matter. Gatekeepers’ provocative interviews about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict widen more eyes.
Best Documentary Short
I NEVER know what wins in this category. Let’s make a guess based on the subject matter:
Rwandan children getting heart surgery (Open Heart) beats homeless Mexican teen (Inocente) beats women with cancer at a hair salon (Mondays at Racine) beats senior citizens retired in Florida (Kings Point) beats people who recycle bottles and cans (Redemption).
The Winner: Open Heart. Are you really going to deny sick African kids an Oscar?!!!
Movie Review: The Package
There is nothing good inside this Package
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| The Package | |
| Starring | Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren, Michael Daingerfield, Darren Shahlavi |
| Director: | Jesse V. Johnson |
| Writer: | Derek Kolstad |
| Studio: | Anchor Bay Entertainment |
| Release Date: | February 9, 2013 |
I knew what to expect from Anchor Bay’s The Package. Any film starring Steve Austin (no longer Stone Cold) and Dolph Lundgren is not going to have touching character moments, powerful acting performances, a gripping story, or eye-popping special effects. These types of movies exist to deliver some base thrills with lots of bone-crunching fights and explosive gunfire. But even viewers with those low expectations will leave disappointed in this adrenaline-free shoot-em-up.
The very loose plot of The Package is a rip-off of Jason Statham’s successful Transporter films. Austin plays a mob enforcer tasked with delivering a small package of high importance to The German (Lundgren). Along the way a squad of goons tries to stop Austin in the hopes of ransoming the package to The German for a higher price. The goons just hope to make some money, but as no one knows the contents of the package the goons have no stakes in successfully stealing it from Austin. This makes all the gunfire and fistfights a mere stalling tactic, dragging this film to feature-length.
Unfortunately, the fights are not even entertaining. Directed by veteran Hollywood stuntman Jesse V. Johnson (Starship Troopers, Thor), this film proves just because you can do stunts doesn’t mean you can direct them. The gunfights are loud but uninventive, and the hand-to-hand brawls are all shot with the close-up, choppy, shaky-cam effect that was passé a decade ago. None of the fights even come close to the outrageous WWE matches of Austin’s past.
The movie hits the depths of stupidity when Austin battles one goon in a construction zone. In the background, atop scaffolding, stand two welders going about their work. The light of their arc welder provides a cool strobe-light effect and delivers the only impressive visual in the movie. Despite two large men engaging in mortal combat mere inches from their work area, the teamsters work doesn’t stop. Their torch never turns off, even though a body colliding with their scaffold would likely jolt the machine and scar the workers for life.
If the welders don’t care, why should I?
The high point in this movie is The German. Lundgren plays this mysterious bad-ass for humor. Obsessed with culinary delights, The German regales his victims with recipes for fish sandwiches, fruit smoothies, and martinis. While even in his heyday Lundgren was never one for emoting on-screen, here the aging tough-guy has a subdued sense of playfulness that makes me wish he was given more to do.
Despite the movie saying Lundgren and Austin were on the same side, audience demand the two stars face off, and sure enough they do. This climactic battle between these two action stars should be the most spectacular and memorable fight in the film. Unfortunately, the battle is over in moments, and pales in comparison to some earlier in the film.
Even the most undiscerning action film fan will be disappointed in The Package. It’s an action movie that lacks punch and punches. Not recommend.
New Podcast: A Good Day to Die Hard
25 years ago Bruce Willis delivered his career-making performance as John McClane in the original Die Hard. To celebrate this milestone, John McClane is back, once again showing terrorists that McClanes are hard to kill as he teams with his son to fight Russian terrorists. Is this film a good day for Die Hard? Listen to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPDH06.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
Movie Review: Side Effects
A potent final dose of Soderbergh magic
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| Side Effects | |
| Starring | Jude Law, Rooney Mara, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Channing Tatum |
| Director: | Steven Soderbergh |
| Writer: | Scott Z Burns |
| Studio: | Endgame Entertainment |
| Release Date: | February 8, 2013 |
Steven Soderbergh, exhausted from shooting twenty-seven features in twenty-four years, recently announced he’s retiring from moviemaking, and that new medical thriller Side Effects will be his last theatrical effort. I hope he’s pulling our leg. It’s been a joy to watch the unpredictable 50-year-old filmmaker hone his craft – bouncing from big Hollywood projects with star-heavy casts (Ocean’s Eleven, Out of Sight) to modestly budgeted indie experiments anchored by untraditional leads (Bubble, The Girlfriend Experience). Side Effects finds Soderbergh ending his career where he started it – using video to package sex, lies, and headshrinkers into provocative entertainment.
The screenplay, written by Scott Z. Burns (Contagion), asks a prescient question of our overly-medicated age – can pills, or the people who push them, be rightfully accused of murder. Jude Law stars as Dr. Jonathan Banks, a Manhattan psychiatrist who prescribes Ablixa to his suicidal patient Emily (Rooney Mara) to help her stay strong for a husband (Channing Tatum) recently sprung from jail. Emily initially shows mood improvement, but then commits a senseless act of violence while sleepwalking under the influence of the wonder drug. Now prosecutors must decide if she deserves to go to prison for a crime she did not consciously commit, or if blame can be shifted to a reckless shrink who valued drug company kickbacks over his patients’ mental health.
Side Effects is at its best during this first half debate, where the audience is asked to parse out the truth from morally ambiguous behavior. It’s fun to speculate whether Banks’ interest in Emily is strictly professional when he prioritizes sessions with the damaged beauty over spending time with his wife and stepson. Our bias that he was blinded by love only grows stronger when accusations resurface that he slept with a former patient. Law and Mara have excellent poker faces, and Soderbergh knows exactly when to duck out of their scenes together to keep audiences guessing their true feelings.
The filmmaker’s need to flip the script on the conventions of psychological thrillers, and deliver a culprit that isn’t a stereotypical mad doctor misogynist, leads to an improbable climax far removed from the initial promise of a hard-hitting pharmaceutical industry expose. Yet it’s a credit to Soderbergh’s skills as a storyteller and director of quality actors that he’s able to give the lurid conspiracy of his broadly drawn villains its own wonky appeal. Viewers who understand that what they’re consuming is strictly meant for recreational use, and doesn’t achieve the scope of a drug epic like Traffic, will likely be satisfied with the contact high they get off this better-than-average B-movie.
Side Effects, despite a few adverse reactions to the ending, is a Solid Recommend, and a reminder that Soderbergh can work miracles when treating familiar genre material with his intelligent cinematic approach. Here’s hoping the self-prescribed bed rest will cure the filmmaker of his fatigue, and inspire him to return to making more eclectic entertainment in the not-so-distant future.
New Podcast: Live Free or Die Hard
It had been over a decade since Bruce Willis last played gruff, resilient New York cop John McClane and most fans thought the series finished. But in 2007 it was time for McClane to return to Live Free or Die Hard. Teamed with a computer hacker played by Justin Long, does McClane still have what it takes to stop a cyber-terrorist attack and save his daughter? And is a much older Willis still able to Die Hard? Listen to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPDH05.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Die Hard with a Vengeance
John McClane is back, and for his third film he’s going to Die Hard with a Vengeance. He’s been called back into action by a mysterious terrorist with ties to McClane’s past. Partnered with Zeus, played by Samuel L. Jackson, and once again directed by John McTiernan, can this be the best Die Hard yet? Listen to Stuart, Arnie, and Jakob’s review to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPDH04.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
Movie Review: The Watch
Men in Black it isn’t.
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| The Watch | |
| Starring | Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, Richard Ayoade |
| Director: | Akiva Schaffer |
| Writer: | Jared Stern, Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg |
| Studio: | 20th Century Fox |
| Release Date: | July 27, 2012 |
When Evan’s (Stiller) co-worker is found dead, Evan responds the only way he can–by forming a Neighborhood Watch group to find the killer. Joined by high school dropout and failed police candidate Franklin (Hill), British horndog Jamarcus (Ayoade), and party-guy construction worker Bob (Vaughn) the foursome uncover an invasion plot by extra terrestrials that threatens their small Ohio town.
As a fan of the three of the four stars (I’d not heard of Ayoade before this film) I ignored the word of mouth on The Watch and gave it a try. The Vaughn/Stiller team-up led to big laughs in Dodgeball and I hoped for a similar experience here. Surely enough, neither actor strays far from their wheelhouse–how often have we seen Stiller play a neurotic, pent-up suburbanite who can’t tell his loved ones about a personal failure? And once again Vaughn is playing the carefree party-guy who both parties like a college student and yet is also a devoted family man. These actors have had huge successes playing these exact characters, and they play it safe here. It’s a smart choice–all the film’s laughs come from these two characters and their opposing view of the group.
The other two Watch members are not as amusing. Hill once again plays a somewhat socially awkward sidekick. It worked for him well in Superbad and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but it was disappointing to see him again playing the same character. All of Franklin’s dialogue has an ad-libbed feel that would work in any film Hill has appeared, and becomes less funny and more sad every time I see it. Avoade’s Jamarcus makes little impression as a British divorce. His character is important to the plot, but Avoade never escapes the shadow of his more famous co-stars.
The result is a highly uneven film. While ostensibly about an alien invasion, the first two-thirds of the film are really about these characters and their interactions. We also see Evan and Bob having trouble with the women in their lives, Evan’s marriage strained, Bob’s daughter partying too hard with a boy in school. These parts of the film are full of raunchy laughs and hard-R rated dick jokes, several of which were laugh-out-loud funny.
But when the film finally has to turn to the overarching plot it fails completely. It was a mistake to make this film about an alien invasion; the film has neither the budget nor the inclination to tell a good story about evil E.T.s. The film’s entire third act when the invasion comes to the fore is a painful exercise in banality.
Overall I give this film a mild not recommend. There are laughs to be had in this movie, but the three leads have all had bigger laughs in better films, and only Stiller and Vaughn die-hards need to Watch this for the few funny moments.
New Podcast: Die Hard 2: Die Harder
When Die Hard blew up both Nakatomi Plaza and the box office a sequel was fast-tracked and released in 1990. Attempting to top the action and excitement of the original, 20th Century Fox chose a script based on the original novel 58 Minutes and put the film in the hands of director Renny Harlin. Set in an airport with John fighting another group of terrorists, does Die Hard 2 fly as high as the original, or did it all come crashing down? Listen to Jakob, Stuart, and Arnie to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPDH03.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Die Hard
Its title became short-hand for an action movie template that would be followed for a decade. It propelled star Bruce Willis to superstardom, making him never need to work in television again. It brought joy, and Ode to Joy, to millions of fans. It is the original 1988 action film Die Hard. As we ramp up for the fifth installment in Bruce Willis’ most famous franchise, can Die Hard hold up 25 years later? Listen to Arnie, Stuart, and Jakob’s review to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPDH02.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
Movie Review: Officer Down
A tight neo-noir thriller with an amazing cast.
Review Copy provided to Now Playing courtesy of Anchor Bay films
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| Officer Down | |
| Starring | Stephen Dorff, James Woods, Walton Goggins, AnnaLynne McCord, Dominic Purcell, David Boreanaz, Laura Harris, Elisabeth Röhm |
| Director: | Brian A. Miler |
| Writer: | John Chase |
| Studio: | Anchor Bay Films |
| Release Date: | January 22, 2013 |
Detective David Callahan was a dirty cop. He took payoffs from criminals, abused alcohol and drugs, and cheated on his wife with prostitutes. But when a drug deal goes bad and Callahan is shot and given a chance at redemption. Declared a hero by the community, Callahan cleans up. But two years later when the man who saved his life that night shows up and asks a favor, Callahan must return to the seedy underworld he once inhabited to stop a sexual predator called “The Angel” (Goggins). But nothing is as it seems, and Callahan’s past will return to haunt him as he tries to find the line between doing what is right and slipping back into the habits of the man he once was.
As Callahan, Dorff (Blade, Feardotcom) portrays a likeable, layered character. For the story to work Callahan must be a likable character that the audience can root for in spite of his dirty deeds, and Dorff brings the right mix of bad-boy and earnest cop to the role. You believe he is wanting, and deserving, redemption for his sins, and his personal downward spiral is the center of the film. The story’s framing structure of flashbacks-within-a-flashback reveal key plot points to the viewer in a way that allows claustrophobia to build as the walls close in around Callahan. While at first a disorienting storytelling structure, as the film hits its rhythm this technique is used to maximum effect, and repeatedly pulls the rug out from under the viewer.
This is a neo-noir thriller, full of twists and turns in the style of Body Heat or Against All Odds, even casting the latter film’s star Woods at the role of Callahan’s complicit police captain. The film style, including several scenes in black-and-white, enhance the noir style as well. Once I realized this film was a deep mystery, and not a straightforward dirty-cop drama, I was engaged and found myself rooting for Callahan and wondering what insurmountable obstacle would step in his way next. But the script by Chase kept me guessing, and even as the film’s final act started the script still had ways to surprise me.
The script is aided by a cast of name actors, mostly from television work. Several Law & Order alums are in supporting roles, as well as two stars of Angel. The budget of this film was well spent on capable actors. But despite being recognizable faces, most of the cast is kept to the background with only Dorff, and to a lesser degree Goggins (Predators, House of 1000 Corpses) being given a chance to make a lasting impression. In the role of a dirty strip club owner is Purcell (Prison Break, Blade: Trinity) and I can’t help but wonder if Purcell and Dorff spent time on set sharing Wesley Snipes war stories. But if so, none of that levity made it to screen as the dark, suspenseful atmosphere of Officer Down is never broken.
Full of impressive camerawork, including some nice aerial establishing shots of the film’s Bridgeport, CT locale, every piece of this film comes together better than your average direct-to-video fare.
Title cards that end the film feel tacked on for audiences that hate ambiguity, but other than that one element every part of this film clicks. For fans of character-driven suspense I recommend Officer Down, available Tuesday, January 22 from Anchor Bay home video.
New Podcast: The Detective
A homosexual socialite is murdered and dismembered, and it’s up to hard-boiled police Detective Joe Leland to figure it out! But there’s more to this case than meets the eye, and events will be set in motion that reveal a conspiracy among New York City’s elite that Leland can only stop at the cost of his own career. With Frank Sinatra in the lead role, The Detective is a racy drama…but what does it have to do with Die Hard? And is the movie worth checking out? Listen to Stuart, Arnie, and Jakob’s review to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPDH01.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Texas Chainsaw 3D
After Platinum Dunes recovered Leatherface from direct-to-video hell, they relinquished their rights to the franchise, so Twisted Pictures and Lions Gate Entertainment stepped in to take the series back to its grindhouse roots. Ignoring all Texas Chainsaw films except the original, this new 3-D film picks up right where the first ended, and then fast forwards to present day. Is this the sequel Tobe Hooper’s classic has always deserved, or another waste of gas? Listen to Stuart, Arnie, and Brock’s review to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPTCM07.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: New Year’s Evil
In Los Angeles, a man calling himself “Evil” has a novel way to celebrate the coming of a new year–killing a woman every hour as a new time zone enters 1981! In New Year’s Evil we follow the man as he rings in the year, and harasses TV host Blaze in between. Should you resolve to see this movie, or is this a slasher best forgot and never brought to mind? Listen to Stuart, Arnie, and Marjorie’s review to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPP037NYE.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Year’s Evil
In Los Angeles, a man calling himself “Evil” has a novel way to celebrate the coming of a new year–killing a woman every hour as a new time zone enters 1981! In New Year’s Evil we follow the man as he rings in the year, and harasses TV host Blaze in between. Should you resolve to see this movie, or is this a slasher best forgot and never brought to mind? Listen to Stuart, Arnie, and Marjorie’s review to find out!
Arnie C: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPP035NYE.MP3
New Podcast: Silent Night
Just in time for the holiday season, genre film studio Anchor Bay released a remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night! Only loosely based on the original, and titled simply Silent Night, the new version brings star power before unseen in the franchise, with Malcolm McDowell, Donal Logue, and Jamie King starring in the film about a psychotic Santa who kills those who are naughty. Is this modern version of Silent Night a Christmas treat, or another lump of coal left in the Christmas stocking? Listen to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPSNDN6.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker
The Silent Night, Deadly Night films have always been loose with continuity, but in Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker we see yet another exploration of Christmas evil when an angsty Pinocchio unleashes deadly toys upon an unsuspecting young boy. With outspoken Silent Night, Deadly Night hater Mickey Rooney playing a drunken Gepetto, does this film have more to it than delicious irony? Listen to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPSNDN5.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation
After three films exploring the homicidal impulses of the Caldwell (or is it Chapman) family, Silent Night, Deadly Night 4 goes a different direction as a wannabe journalist investigates a case of spontaneous combustion in Los Angeles during Christmas season. Is a cult of Lilith worshipers a good replacement for a homicidal maniac, and is the Ricky played in this film by Clint Howard the same Ricky we’ve seen in the previous three films? Listen to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPSNDN4.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation
After three films exploring the homicidal impulses of the Caldwell (or is it Chapman) family, Silent Night, Deadly Night 4 goes a different direction as a wannabe journalist investigates a case of spontaneous combustion in Los Angeles during Christmas season. Is a cult of Lilith worshipers a good replacement for a homicidal maniac, and is the Ricky played in this film by Clint Howard the same Ricky we’ve seen in the previous three films? Listen to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPSNDN4.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!
Ricky is back! After being shot at the end of Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, Ricky’s brain-dead body is revived after a connection with a blind psychic. With horror vet Bill Moseley taking over the role of Ricky Robert Culp as the cop chasing the killer, and several connections to the classic TV series Twin Peaks, this sequel has more brains on display than the previous two films, but is it better? Listen to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPSNDN3.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2
The first Silent Night, Deadly Night film was pulled from theaters due to protests, but in the age of home video it found a second life on VHS. Anxious to capitalize on the first film’s notoriety the studio decided to rush through a no-budget sequel, recycling most of the original film into a Part 2. Despite the humble beginnings, the film has gone on to surpass the original in infamy and YouTube fame, spawning a meme and a strange catch-phrase. Is this movie something to add to your Christmas wish list? Listen to Arnie, Stuart, and Marjorie’s review to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPSNDN2.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Silent Night, Deadly Night
In November, 1984 one of the most famous movie slashers hit theaters–Freddy Kruger. But that same day, another serial killer film was released that drew far more attention and ire–Silent Night, Deadly Night. Outside theaters across the country people protested the film featuring a bloodthirsty man in a Santa suit, and the film was quickly pulled from theaters. But over the years it has become a cult favorite horror film, spawning several sequels and, this year, a remake. Join Now Playing hosts Marjorie, Arnie, and Stuart as they watch and review this 1984 classic. Is this movie naughty or nice? Listen to find out!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPSNDN1.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Skyfall
After reviewing 25 movies released over the span of 50 years, Now Playing reaches the conclusion of its James Bond retrospective series–Skyfall. Continuing the rebooted spy stories starring Daniel Craig, Skyfall has already become the top-grossing film in the James Bond franchise, and there is even rumblings of Academy Award honors. But can it really best Craig’s Casino Royale, and how does a life long Bond fan warm to this new take? Listen to Now Playing’s ultimate James Bond review to find out! Plus the hosts reflect on all 25 Bond films, picking the best and worst actors, film, and songs from the franchise!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPBOND25.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Quantum of Solace
In 2006 we got a new take on an old hero with James Bond in Casino Royale, but while the film told of the spy’s first adventure questions were left unanswered. Who were the mysterious people to whom Le Chiffre owed money? Who is the mysterious employer behind Mr. White? These answers were to be revealed two years later in the follow-up film Quantum of Solace. With Daniel Craig returning and a title taken from an original Fleming story, can this film live up to the high praise given to Casino Royale? Listen to Arnie, Stuart, and Brock’s review to find out in Now Playing’s penultimate James Bond review leading directly to this year’s blockbuster Skyfall!
Listen Now: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPRBOND24.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Casino Royale (2006)
James Bond made his first appearance in Ian Fleming’s novels in 1953 in the novel Casino Royale, and in 2006 a brand new James Bond makes his first appearance in a film based on that novel. Rights issues had prevented Eon from adapting the original James Bond story as part of their film series, but with the rights obtained they used that opportunity to present a new James Bond for a new generation. Not just a new actor in the role, but an entirely new take on the MI6 agent, showing his origin, his obtaining his double-oh status, and going on his first mission to win a high stakes poker game against international terrorist Le Chiffre. But did Bond need a reboot? And how does Craig stack up against the previous Bond? Listen to Arnie, Stuart, and Brock’s review to find out!
: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPRBOND23.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
New Podcast: Die Another Day
It’s James Bond’s first adventure in the 21st century, and Pierce Brosnan’s last time playing the role of the British secret agent. Partnered with Halle Berry’s NSA agent Jinx Johnson, can the two stop a North Korean terrorist’s nefarious plot? It’s a film celebrating the lore of Bond, but not very celebrated by Bond fans. Is the reputation deserved, and what final impression does Brosnan leave as Bond? Listen to Now Playing to find out!
: http://www.nowplayingpodcast.com/Podcasts/NPPRBOND22.MP3
Category: Movies & Film
Amazing Spider-Man Episodes 2 and 3 – The Deadly Dust
A group of students steal radioactive materials as a sign of protest, but they learn a lesson in nuclear weapons when an arms dealer takes advantage of the situation.
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| The Deadly Dust (Part 1 and Part 2) |
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| Season: | 1 |
| Episode: | 2 and 3 |
| Air Date: | Part 1: April 5, 1978 Part 2: April 12, 1978 |
| Director: | Ron Satlof |
| Writer: | Robert Janes |
Recently I watched Spider-Man (1977), the pilot movie for The Amazing Spider-Man TV series, which you can hear us review at Now Playing. While I felt that movie was a bit slow, it was also so wacky and gonzo I could not look away. More, I couldn’t imagine how CBS would turn this concept as presented into a weekly series. I had to see more, so I eagerly jumped into the next episode, The Deadly Dust.
And man was that a mistake! I’ll get into why.
The Deadly Dust is a two-part episode that aired over two weeks. It was released internationally and on VHS and Laserdisc as a single movie. As it is a single story I will be reviewing both episodes here.
I was still excited during the opening credits sequence, and noticed the title has changed. While the movie was just Spider-Man, now the series is The Amazing Spider-Man, and the opening credits is no longer a tiny window of Spider-Man wall crawling–instead it’s a montage of the opening movie set to some generic 70s music. I was disappointed to see the more rockin’ disco music from the pilot movie replaced; this isn’t nearly as groovy.
In addition to the title, in the year that passed between the airing of the pilot movie and this first episode the series cast had changed. Peter Parker is still played by Nicholas Hammond, but gone was Dave the lab partner, as was Peter Parker’s Aunt May. Instead there is an entirely new supporting cast.
J. Jonah Jameson, editor of the Daily Bugle where Peter works as a photographer, was played in the pilot by Bewitched’s David White. White was replaced by Robert F. Simon (who had a recurring role on Bewitched), to whom I take an immediate dislike. His Jameson is far too quiet. Jameson should have a flaming temper and wild ideas about Spider-Man. That’s how the character is still written, but as acted by Simon the character just comes across as cranky, and perhaps a bit constipated.
In the role of the Daily Bugle’s token African-American, Robbie Robertson (Hilly Hicks) is gone and replaced by a new character, Jameson’s secretary Rita Conway, played by Chip Fields. Fields is the spitting image of Glory Grant, who was Jameson’s secretary at the Bugle, but inexplicably that’s not Fields’ character. Conway is shown to be a sassy woman who keeps Jameson in his place.
Though again in these opening scenes I’m not taken with her. She seems to have the temper Jameson should have, blowing up too easily at her grumpy boss. Plus the portrayal is a bit racist. When Peter tells Rita he’s afraid Jameson will fire her, and that he has friends that would make it hard for Rita to find another job, Rita replies that she has friends that could make it difficult for Jameson to keep the tires on his Rolls Royce. Why must the black character’s friends steal car tires? I suppose because it’s the 1970s and on television.
But I am happy to see the only returning supporting character, Michael Pataki as Captain Barbera. His Colombo-like persona was a highlight of the pilot movie. When this episode opens it’s with Barbera trying to stop a woman from jumping off a building. She says it’s her boyfriend’s fault and is ready to jump, but of course Spider-Man comes in and saves the girl.
I was immediately enthralled. Who is the girl’s boyfriend and why is he making her commit suicide? The title is “The Deadly Dust”–is that deadly dust Angel Dust and the girl is on a bad trip? I thought back to the controversial issues of The Amazing Spider-Man comic where Harry Osborne goes on drugs and thinks he can fly, and I’m really taken in. So you can imagine my disappointment when I discover this is just an introductory action scene that has no bearing on the plot of the episode.
The actual plot is about a nuclear bomb. Peter’s college professor Dr. Bailor is about to open a nuclear reactor on the college campus. Peter and his classmates are outraged at the thought of having radioactive materials on campus as the reactor will produce the titular “Deadly Dust”, also known as plutonium oxide, the byproduct produced from the nuclear reactor. Bailor refuses to relent despite the sutdents’ heated arguments, so three of the students decide to teach Dr. Bailor a lesson and steal the plutonium. When that doesn’t get enough press, they then take it a step further fashioning the plutonium into a makeshift nuclear bomb. Lacking only one ingredient, plastic explosive to use as a detonator, the students hope the bomb will strike fear into the university and make Bailor rethink his blasé attitude towards such dangerous materials.
This was a plot line I could get behind–extremist activists going too far to prove a point and a nuclear threat are concerns big enough to warrant a superhero’s attention yet real enough to relate to the fears of the audience. If that wasn’t enough to warrant Spider-Man’s attention, the masked vigilante is thought to have stolen the plutonium. Now his biggest supporter, Barbara, is partnered with the FBI to investigate Spider-Man for causing a nuclear threat. More, as Bailor said the only student capable of fashioning the plutonium into a bomb was star pupil Peter Parker, and Parker is known for his connection to Spider-Man, the feds think the two are in cahoots on the theft.
It’s a really good set-up that I enjoyed watching.
I was also enjoying the B-plot introduced. Barbera’s public praise of the vigilante gets the attention of Miami Beach supermarket tabloid The Weekly Examiner, who sends Gale Hoffman to get a cover story on Spider-Man, using Spider-Man’s photographer Peter Parker as a lead. Gale is sexy and smart and Peter is interested in her, but her refusal to leave Parker’s side hinders his ability to investigate the plutonium theft. Gale acts in this episode much like a Lois Lane to Peter Parker’s Clark Kent–she’s a good reporter aiding Peter in the investigation, but needing to be ditched when it’s superhero time.
There’s many good scenes between Peter and Gale, with Gale suspecting Spider-Man of stealing the plutonium. Here, for the first time, we get to the root of why Peter is a superhero. Gale rightly points out that no one asked Spider-Man to save the world, and if he doesn’t like it he can just hang up his blue tights. Peter responds very gravely saying “What about his conscience? What’s the point of having a special power if you don’t use it to help people?” He also says “I think Spider-Man does a lot of good but if people knew who he is it wouldn’t be the same thing?” He goes on saying how lonely it is for Spider-Man, and it’s hard because Spider-Man has to lie to everyone at work, his friends, and even his girlfriends. “People think it would be really wonderful to have Spider-Man’s powers. Let me tell you, I’m not so sure whether it’s a blessing or a curse.”
In the entire pilot episode we were never given these insights into why Peter dons an outfit and stops evildoers. Here, we get the reason and it comes because Peter is feeling close to Gale. It’s both character exploration and relationship development in one scene. I do wish there was more of a reason, though. Without the guilt of Uncle Ben’s death, Peter’s motivations are thin. More, his passionate speaking on the topic makes Gale suspect Peter may be Spider-Man, something she eventually asks him outright. Unfortunately Peter’s convenient lies put Gale’s suspicions to rest. I think I’d have preferred it if his partner was in on his secret.
All of this in the first hour made me think The Deadly Dust may actually be an improvement over the pilot film, but it did lack in one regard–there was no real villain. The students aren’t bad guys, they’re just misguided and not all that bright. Running from the cops and performing investigations into the nuclear theft is entertaining, but could not sustain a two-hour running length, so we are introduced to Mr. White (Robert Alda, father of Alan Alda and bad guy from two Incredible Hulk episodes).
Mr. White is a multi-millionaire record executive who enjoys his Los Angeles lifestyle, hanging out on the roof of his skyscraper, bikini-clad women surrounding him. But making money on gold records isn’t enough, Mr. White is also a…well having watched the episode I don’t know what he is. Mercenary? Terrorist? Gangster? Let’s settle on ill-defined baddie.
White reads about the plutonium theft and races to New York to steal the stolen nuclear goods. He, like the FBI, thinks Peter Parker stole it, and that if he can take it from the grad student he can then sell it to the highest bidder. Truthfully I liked the addition of this fourth faction to the story, but unfortunately Mr. White would come to dominate the story in its second hour.
By the end of what would have been the first regular episode of The Amazing Spider-Man I was really enjoying it. The cops, the rogue students, Peter and Gale, and Mr. White’s goons all chasing the nuclear materials had been a great bit of fun. I would have recommended the first of the two episodes. But after the midway point the episode loses its focus and leaves New York.
Parker’s name is cleared and the plutonium found all too quickly. One of the students making the fake bomb gets radiation poisoning and is rushed to the hospital. The hospital reports radiation poisoning and the real thieves are discovered, but not their bounty. Racing to the hospital, the students just left their near-complete bomb in the middle of the room, and Mr. White’s goons quickly steal it and take it back to Los Angeles. Peter, having put a spider-tracer on White’s white limo, wants to pursue. He tells Jameson about the bomb, but Jameson cannot run the story lest it cause widespread panic. To recover the bomb, and be the first out the door with the story once the danger has passed, Jameson agrees to go with Parker and Gale to Los Angeles.
This is where the story goes south. Literally. Once the three leads leave New York, every single aspect of the New York storyline is forgotten. The students who caused this whole mess? Never seen again. Barbera? Out of his jurisdiction. The FBI agent DeCarlo who was tracking the plutonium in New York? Disappeared. No, the only ones who can save us from a rogue nuclear bomb are two reporters and a grumpy newspaper publisher. Well, and Spider-Man, I suppose.
I learned after watching this episode that The Amazing Spider-Man series production was based in L.A., but the character is so closely identified with New York City they did not relocate the character. With that being the case, why then make a story where Peter must travel cross-country to follow a criminal? Was it so they could have their end action scenes outdoors, in the air, and not reveal that they are not in Manhattan? It’s confusing, as is the story.
In LA Spider-Man fights White’s goons several times, most comically on a Hollywood old-west backlot (literally an old-west backlot, not a backlot subbing for a real location) and White becomes nervous. Instead of selling the bomb he tries to extort the US Government, saying if his demands are not met he will “detonate the bomb in the place where it will do the most damage.” This phrasing confuses our newspaper reporters, who apparently only write for newspapers but never read one, because the headline of a newspaper in LA reads “President to speak in California”.
The entire second episode of “The Deadly Dust” is a jumbled mess. There are repeated fights that change nothing. Gale is taken hostage and then freed. Peter and Gale even visit Mr. White’s record studio, driving home the ridiculous nature of a record executive terrorist. At best any two-hour episode of a 1970s television series might start to wear out its welcome, but here it has devolved into nonsense.
I think the show runners thought the plus side of the second hour is there is a lot less Peter Parker and a lot more Spider-Man. Parker disappears more and more as Spider-Man fights goons and chases after the bomb, but honestly the Spider-Man fights in this episode are entirely terrible. The Spider-Man outfit looks even more silly in this episode than in the pilot, his gloves flapping in the wind and his red boots looking like he’s expecting a rainstorm. Moreover, the stuntman in the outfit is prone to grand, theatrical movements and cocking his head like a dog. Every time Spider-Man is fighting these same goons I am left shaking my head. More, it usually ends with Spider-Man running away! Why he chooses to flee rather than use the oversized web shooters on his wrist to trip up his enemies confounds me. There is no logic, it’s just there to stretch out a thin, silly story.
Not all the stunts are terrible. We do get some good wire work as he climbs down buildings or performs superjumps, but watching someone climb isn’t really all that fun. More, due to budget constraints, Spider-Man seems to wall-crawl only as a last resort preferring to run like any human on solid ground whenever possible. I understand why it is done this way, but that doesn’t make the show any more entertaining.
Strangely the high point of the second hour for me was Jameson. I couldn’t stand him in New York, being confined in his office and very low-key, but once out in LA he lets his cheap flag fly! He is constantly chasing after Parker and dismissing anything having to do with Spider-Man. He really starts to embody a version of Jameson as I imagined him. He still has nothing on J.K. Simmons, but it’s an improvement.
And I must give this episode credit for its climax. At the end, Mr. White and his goon have hidden the nuclear bomb on a rooftop near where the president is speaking, and it’s up to Spider-Man to stop it. He convinces a helicopter tour guide to give him a ride, telling the pilot it’s a publicity stunt, and then freefalls out of the helicopter. While the spider-suit flapping in the breeze shows clearly how poorly the suit fits the stuntman, it is cool to see Spider-Man actually perform death-defying feats.
And it gets better! Mr. White is in his own helicopter and flies after Spider-Man, who uses his webbing to latch on to White’s ride. White’s goon Angel pilots the chopper all around trying to shake the wall-crawler and we get to see practical stunt footage of the Spider-Man dangling from a helicopter. The point-of-view camera used in the pilot returns as well, and we see Spider-Man’s view as he hangs on the rope. It is really exciting. This is where all their money went, and it is money well-spent. Unfortunately it becomes a case of too-little-too-late in this episode as the poor writing and repetitive action had me checked out a good half hour before the money shot.
The poor writing continues as Mr. White just so happens to shake Spider-Man on the exact same rooftop where they stashed the nuclear bomb, and with Peter Parker’s scientific knowledge Spider-Man disarms the bomb, saving the president and Los Angeles, with two seconds to spare.
Peter Parker gives Jameson pictures of Spider-Man posing with the bomb, and he and Gale seem destined for a romance, but Mr. White escapes saying he will get Spider-Man another day. Why FBI Agent DeCarlo doesn’t just arrest the man based on the newspaper articles is a question never answered, and I don’t think the series lasted long enough for Mr. White to actually return.
The first half of “The Deadly Dust” had so much promise, the second hour devolved into brain-numbing action for action’s sake, and bad action at that. It’s a weaker not recommend as there are some things of value, but an easy not recommend.
Read my other Amazing Spider-Man Series Reviews
Amazing Spider-Man Series Review Index
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| The Amazing Spider-Man TV Series | |
| Seasons: | 2 |
| Episodes: | 13 |
| Air Dates: | 1977 – 1979 |
| Series Creator: | Charles W. Fries and Daniel R. Goodman |
| Stars: | Nicholas Hammond, Chip Fields, Robert F. Simon |
In anticipation of The Amazing Spider-Man opening in July, 2012, Jakob, Stuart, and I are doing a podcast retrospective series of all the movies based on the Marvel Comics Superheroes at Now Playing.
With Now Playing’s current Spider-Man Retrospective Series I will also be looking back at every episode of The Incredible Hulk TV series that ran from 1978 to 1982.
Pilot TV Movie
Spider-Man (1977)
Season 1
The Deadly Dust (later renamed Spider-Man Strikes Back)
The Curse of Rava
Night of the Clones
Escort to Danger
Season 2
The Captive Tower
A Matter of State
The Con Caper
The Kirkwood Haunting
Photo Finish
Wolfpack
TV Movie Finale
The Chinese Web (later renamed Spider-Man: The Dragon’s Challenge)
Turn Around, White Eyes – How The Incredible Hulk Traumatized Me For Life
On many episodes of Now Playing Stuart has called out my phobia of anything related to eyes. Be it needles in eyes, eye surgeries, eyes popping from heads, any form of eye trauma has made me wince. Sometimes my sphincter actually closes up when I watch something very grotesque and eye-related. Some of my earliest memories are eye related, such as an episode of Dr. Who where someone had anti-matter eyes, or in Superman 3 where the robot woman opened her eyes and underneath was bare metal! But I’ve never known why I have such an aversion to eye trauma. But now, doing my reviews of The Incredible Hulk for Now Playing for the Venganza Media Gazette I think I have found the origin!
As a child of 3 or 4 Hulk scared the crap out of me. When I was 4 my godmother took me to a local toy store to meet superheroes. Guys were there in costumes, and I was pleased to meet Spider-Man, Captain America, and Superman. To me I was meeting the stars from the TV series, too young to know the difference between fantasy and reality.
But also there was Hulk. And I was frightened. The image is burned into my mind 30-some years later–and looking back the costume was god-awful. It was this thing made of what looked like bent cardboard, and covered with green felt like a mini-golf course. The mask frozen in place…it was comical. But it was Hulk, so I hid behind my godmother’s leg, scared the creature would hurt me. All because of this TV show. I was as scared of Hulk as Carol Anne was of The Beast; as Tina was of Freddy.
So why did I watch Hulk if it scared me so? I love horror. Since preschool I have been fascinated with that which frightened me. At age 3 I loved The Count best of all Sesame Street muppets because he was a vampire, and I wanted to know if he counted sheep in a coffin. And every Friday at 7 I would face my fear of Hulk.
Some episodes were just too traumatic. But even the most rote of episodes had me transfixed, and petrified, when Lou Ferrigno showed up.
But now I realize, what is it that preceded the Hulk? What is the trademark first sign of the transformation? David Banner’s white eyes! The eyes went white, the clothes would tear, a low growl would erupt, and then a green, unstoppable force of terror would dominate my imagination as it did my television screen.
I imagine I will go to my grave freaked out every time I see something to do with eyes, but now I think at least I know why.
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